If you look up synonyms to the term "vulnerable" you might see a few of the following words: helpless, defenseless, powerless, impotent, weak, and susceptible. It's no wonder, then, that throughout my entire life I have worked tirelessly to not be vulnerable.

To give an example, there was a time in my life where I was emotionally at an all-time low. A few significant occurrences took place that literally brought me to my knees in pain, anguish, and despair. However, when I left the confines of my room or apartment each day, I put on a half-smile and told the world that I was just fine. I remember one instance in particular when a close friend of mine had heard through the grapevine about my situation and lovingly asked, "How are you doing?" Now, it wasn't the usual kind of "Hey, how are you doing" that you might ask in passing; rather, it was sincere, compassionate, and musing. She had taken a deep breath before asking, her eyes sunk together, and her voice produced a smooth, velvety tone. Yeah, it was one of those kinds of "How are you doing."

I quickly responded with "I'm so good! I'm loving life! How are you doing? How is work going? How did that test go yesterday?" I knew that she knew what I was going through, but I didn't let her in...I couldn't. She gave me that look that women are so good at - the look when their face practically screams "You've got to be kidding me!" But she didn't pry. She just kept being a great friend and was there for me regardless of my attempts to push her away - and I am extremely thankful for that.

See, back then, what I thought I was doing was being optimistic. I wasn't focusing on the negative and so that must've meant that I was being positive, right? Wrong. Dead wrong, in fact. What I was doing was in fact covering my vulnerable spots, not letting my defense system be penetrated, and not appearing to be helpless or weak. Thus began an on-going battle with my inability to be vulnerable.

I am slowly beginning to learn the seemingly ironic power that comes with being vulnerable - thanks, in large part, to Brene Brown's research and insights, as well as through a few unique personal experiences. I had thought before that I was being courageous by not throwing my problems or issues onto someone else; when really, it requires tremendously more courage to see beyond the fear and shame that vulnerability brings and allow for an even greater sense of connectivity with the people around me. 

Now, I could go on and on about what I am constantly learning about vulnerability, but that is not what I am writing to you about today. Instead, I want to be vulnerable with you. I want to tell you a few things that I have realized about myself lately that I am not very happy about. I only bring up vulnerability to help you understand how difficult it has been for me to be vulnerable and to share those parts of my life that might make me seem not in control, weak, and utterly defenseless. So, here goes nothing...

About two years ago, I was in the prime of my life. I was in the best physical shape that I have ever been in. I was exercising every day, eating healthy, and taking good care of myself. I had a constant need for adventure and for stepping outside of my comfort zone which, in turn, lead to greater growth. I loved the classes that I was taking. I knew and loved everyone at the church ward I attended. I loved my internship and the people that I worked with. I was aspiring to big dreams and limitless possibilities. I invested my time the way that I wanted: with good friends, with books, with my guitar, at the gym, serving others, volunteering, and trying on a daily basis to be my best self. Basically, I was being authentically me. 

But then, one-by-one, things changed.

My internship ended, leaving me in that horrific "unknown zone" of employment. A lot of the friends that inspired me and pushed me either graduated and moved on to something else or got married and started their own family or moved to another city all together. My class schedule filled up with classes that did not interest me as much and took up all of the time I usually set aside for personal reading. Instead of investing my time in things that I loved, I spent my time filling every waking minute with things that I thought would be great "resume builders" or other "important" things. I no longer took time to work out, play my guitar, or push the limits of my comfort zone. I would come home so mentally exhausted that I would eat something quick and unhealthy, brush my teeth, and fall asleep on the living room floor watching old re-runs of The Office or Everybody Loves Raymond. Basically, I had lost all control.

I stopped living life on purpose and was simply existing. There were still occasional experiences that helped me to grow and that gave me a brief taste of authenticity, but they were very few and far between. And, to add insult to injury, I had become so dedicated to hiding the vulnerable parts of my life, that I am still, to this day, jack-hammering through thousands of feet of emotional concrete surrounding my helpless and fearful self within. 

And now, here I am - writing once again on my "blog" that I created as a platform to inspire, motivate, and influence others to live a purposeful life without ever mentioning my weaknesses, kryptonites, or insecurities. Like I said, I became pretty good at hiding those parts of me. But now, I want to change that. I have decided that I am going to share 7 vulnerabilities with you today for the sake of being vulnerable. These are things about me that most people do not know; things that I struggle with personally; and things that I have kept hidden for a long, long time. This is me being vulnerable.

1. I am incredibly self-conscious, especially about my physical appearance.

If you were to ask me to make a list of things that I like about myself physically, I would scribble down the following: my height, my eyes, my lack of excessive body hair, my skin, and the palms of my hands. However, if you were to ask me to list the things that I dislike about myself, I would run out of ink or my hands would cramp up to the point of permanency. 

I have always had this annoying baby fat around my core and chest that I have never been able to tame. I have a short upper body that doesn't allow for room to place the results of unhealthy eating. Basically, if I even look at a slice of pizza, I gain a layer of fat tissue. All of this explains why very few people have seen me shirtless. (Ugh, this vulnerability thing gives me so much anxiety) 

I have always hated my smile. I am grateful to my parents for buying me braces when I was a teenager, because I can only imagine how much worse my smile would be were it not for them. Growing up, I rarely smiled for a picture because I didn't know how to be okay with showing my teeth and lips off to the world.

I have freakishly long fingers and toes. In high school, my friends called my fingers "licorice ropes." My toes are so long on my right foot that they are permanently criss-crossed from being shoved into the small space of a shoe for a quarter century. 

Like I said, I could go on and on about this...but I think you get the point.

2. I am an exacerbating worrier.

I did not ride a roller coaster until I was almost 25 years old because, as a kid, I always thought "What if I fall out? What if the track breaks? What if the machine malfunctions and we're not able to stop?" Before almost anything that I do that scares me or that I have never done before, I literally freak myself out of doing it because I think of every possible thing that could go wrong. I think of every fail video, news story, and rumor that had something to do with how someone got hurt, embarrassed, or died - and then I have a panic attack (This is why stepping outside of my comfort zone is such a big deal to me). My worrying is not a normal amount of worry; it is crippling and keeps me from experiencing so many amazing parts of this life. I hate that I worry so much.

3. I have a hard time standing up for what I think is right.

I am very non-confrontational and so I tend to let people walk all over me. If I have an idea as to what should be done in a certain situation, I do not make it known, especially when I am intimidated by the people I am with at that time. If someone is bad-mouthing my system of beliefs, my religion, or my culture, I struggle to vocalize what I believe and why I believe it. I am usually content in thinking "I know what I believe and they can believe whatever it is that they want to believe - I don't have to make a scene." I am easily intimidated and overly relativistic.

4. I never give myself enough credit aka "I am not _______."

People will sometimes give me a compliment such as "You are so smart!" or "You did so good on that project." I will almost always respond with "Nah, I got lucky on that test" or "I didn't do anything, it was all my team." I struggle to accept that there are things that I am good at. I think that some of this issue stems from my earlier years in school. Schoolwork came very easy for me - I understood concepts, knew how to piece together ideas; and I can count on two fingers how many times I studied outside of the classroom. It came so easy, in fact, that when I was in the first grade, I took a variety of special tests and tested out at the third and fourth grade levels (for my social well-being, my parents only allowed that I be moved up one grade). I was a straight A student until my sophomore year Geometry class. I decided that I had had enough of being called 'the smart kid', 'the teacher's pet', and 'mr. know-it-all.' So, I failed a test on purpose and got my first ever B; but I was "normal" and so I was content not accepting credit for my abilities.

I struggle with balancing healthy pride with unhealthy humility. I am never smart enough, diligent enough, successful enough, friendly enough, knowledgeable enough, etc.

5. I was bullied in high school.

Very few people know this. Because I was younger than everyone in my grade as a Freshman and I looked even younger than I actually was, this made me a prime target for the Seniors. I was pushed, shoved, punched, tickled, stuffed into a garbage can, etc. To this day I still don't know why they befriended and respected my best friends that did the same things I did and took their vengeance out on me, but it happened. However, things got better with each year after that.

6. I am way too worried about what people think

I don't even need to explain this one. I care way too much about what people think of me and that's that. I invent these things that I assume they will say or think about me, how I look, or what I am doing. I can rarely admit to not caring what people think - and that, my friend, is no way to live life. Trust me.

7. I am not a naturally happy person and I often struggle to be authentically happy

Perhaps it is because I worry so much, or am not okay with how I look, or care what people think that I struggle so much to be happy, but I do. Even at times when I feel incredibly joyful, I do not know how to express it (my wife still struggles with understanding this part of me). I have gone through multiple episodes of depression. I will do things that I enjoy doing and will say that it was "okay" or that it "wasn't anything special". I do a lot of things out of duty rather than out of joy and ecstasy. It isn't impossible for me to feel happy, it is just much more of a challenge for me than for a lot of people that I know - I don't know why this is, but it is. I do believe in a Viktor Franklean sense of mind-over-matter and that you can create happiness in any situation, but my weakness is that it requires a lot of work to do so; it doesn't come naturally.

Well, that was difficult. A part of me feels betrayed, and yet another, more dominant part of me feels relieved. I believe that there truly is power in vulnerability - even if it is simply power over your vulnerabilities themselves; that, instead of them controlling me, I am in control of them. I am working hard to improve in all aspects of my life and to get back to living authentically and on purpose. I am striving to be better today than I was yesterday, and better tomorrow than I am today. And I believe that it is eternally important to be okay and content with who you are - and I mean who you REALLY are. The raw you. The natural you. And the unfiltered you.

The real you exists. How foreign is he or she to you right now?

Here's to the power of vulnerability.

Cheers.

i am so afraid of so many things

i am a bird on a limb with broken wings

the sky, she calls

the wind, she beckons

but i can see myself fall and end up in wreckage

_________________________________________________________________________________

bird, be not afraid of what you can't see

for i am the strong and stable branch of the tree

though my leaves seem feeble

my roots run deep

i am strong enough to hold you and me

_________________________________________________________________________________

i am so afraid of so many things

i am a broken piano that's forgot how to sing

the applause, screams silence

my melody, a ghost

but to dust off my keys is what i fear most
_________________________________________________________________________________

please, be not afraid of what you can't hear

for i am the cries of the hearts of the listening ears

though i make not a sound

i stand and i cheer

i am always listening, i am always here

_________________________________________________________________________________

i am so afraid of so many things

afraid to fly, and afraid to sing

though skies unknown

and melodies unclear

some say that with faith, i can conquer my fears

_________________________________________________________________________________

son, be not afraid of what you don't know

for i made your wings and your piano key row

though i died for your fears

through your faith will i show

that because i love you, i gladly did so 

Here's to fearless, faithful living.





Cheers.

"Rhetoric can't raise the dead," but it is a powerful tool. For the past few weeks my thoughts have been turned toward a particular aspect of rhetoric and the power that it envelops: the "if-then" statement.

• If you want to lose weight then you need to diet and exercise.
• If we want to win this game then we must all work together.
• If they don't want to get lost then they should stop and ask for directions.

• If ye love me then keep my commandments.
• If ye were righteous and were willing to hearken to the truth, then ye would not murmur because of the truth and say: thou speakest hard things against us.
• If ye would keep his commandments, ye should prosper in the land.
• If ye have desires to serve God, then ye are called to the work.
• If ye are not one, then ye are not mine.
• If ye do this with a pure heart, in all faithfulness, then ye shall be blessed in your flocks, and in your herds, and in your fields, and in your houses, and in your families.
• If ye are faithful, then ye shall be laden with many sheaves, and crowned with honor, and glory, and immortality, and eternal life.
• If ye forgive men their trespasses, then your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
• If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, then ye shall say unto this mountain: remove hence to yonder place and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.

If-then statements are the simplest form of a call-to-action; they serve as an invitation to be rewarded (or punished) depending on the behavior that we choose to commit.

There are close to 200 if-then statement found within the scriptures and at least a bajillion more found in the self-help section at your local bookstore.

If you want to change your life or current circumstances, then you must do something about it. 

Develop your own if-then statements and then commit yourself to do them. 

Here's to a simple formula that works.

Cheers.

As I begin to sit down, I casually ask, "Is anyone sitting here or---" Before I can finish my inquiry, I hear it...

Her angelic voice seems to ricochet violently off the surrounding walls and then, with all fragility, gently presses against my inner ear and, ultimately, rests in the deepest parts of my soul. I once read about The Sirens of Greek Mythology using their voices to lure even the bravest, the wisest, and the most adventurous of men to their imminent death. I am not the bravest, nor the wisest, nor the most adventurous man...and after hearing her voice, I can say that I have died at least a million times.

By the time I come to myself, she has already finished talking. I'm still glancing down at my hand pointing to the seat next to her. I slowly look up, and I see it...

Her face screams of perfection, with hair so golden that Midas himself would turn pale in shock. I lock sight with her marble-blue eyes and quickly realize that I have made a wonderful mistake by doing so (I'm still feeling disoriented from being so lost in eyes that flawless). My eyes catch her smile. She paints a picture with that smile: a smile that silences the cries of the sun as it sets each day. Oh how that smile will forever be ingrained in my mind.

We talk. We laugh. We sing. We smile. We listen.

But time never does last as long as we'd like during moments such as this. And it's not until I watch her walk away that I feel it...

I feel something that I have not felt before. I feel something that words cannot begin to descri---








Here's to love at first sight...if it really does exists.


Cheers.

I am somewhat timid about asking you the question that I am about to ask you--mostly because it will indefinitely expose myself as one who spends way too much time being easily amused by things that most likely would not amuse the "normal" human being-----but then again, I suppose that no one is really "normal"; so, here it goes:

Have you ever sat and watched a colony of ants build an ant-hill?

To take that further: have you ever watched a colony of ants re-build an anthill after it has been altered or destroyed in some way?

I have. In fact, I don't think I could even begin to count the number of times that I have spent a part of my day watching this incredible process that takes place in Mother Nature. Perhaps there are some of you that could attest to the same thing. But for those of you who cannot, allow me to paint you a simple, visual picture of what happens:

Imagine that you are a worker ant. Your job, along with the other 13,000 worker ants in your colony, is to gather dirt, clay, and whatever else you are able to carry from the far corners of your environment and bring them back to a central location where you will place what you have found strategically on what we will call "the hill." (The hill is a nesting ground for your colony and is used to protect those that are closest to you). From sun-up to sun-down you work to do your absolute best in gathering the necessary materials for your colony's sanctuary and you know that your efforts contribute greatly to the overall well-being of those around you. 

One day, out of nowhere and completely to your surprise, a large animal comes walking toward the hill and steps directly on top of it, causing it to completely lose its form and protective capabilities. You watch the whole thing happen from a short distance away and cannot help but feel frustrated, angry, and confused. 

But it is in this exact moment that you have a series of very interesting decisions to make: Do you march forward and begin re-building the hill, particle by particle of dirt and clay until it is bigger, stronger, and more durable? Or do you sit there, thinking about how much effort you and your fellow workers had put into building the hill only to see it partially or even completely destroyed? Do you swear to not let anything get in the way of your success as a worker ant? Or do you sit and complain about what had happened, blaming all of your "wasted effort" on the animal that walked by?


I hope that you can try and put yourself in the worker ant's place in order to truthfully answer the questions that I posed in the fore-mentioned pictorial explanation. What would you do? How would you react? What would be your first thought be after watching your life's work become destroyed?

Allow me to quickly explain how this natural phenomenon can apply to you and me. We are all worker ants, working to build a protective, useful, and symmetrical ant hill. You can compare the hill to anything that you want: a friendly community, an inspiring education system, a happy marriage, a healthy lifestyle...you name it! For the sake of this post though, I would like to compare the hill to one's own character.

Whether you realize it or not, with each decision that we make (or don't make) and every action that we commit (or don't commit), we are slowly shaping our eternal character. Maybe you are the type of person that works hard, makes well-thought-out decisions, and does everything in your power to shape the character that you know will last through the storms of life. Or maybe you are not that type of person at all. Regardless of your current, personal life-habits there is one thing that we all have in common in our journey to build our ant hill; and that is: adversity will come! Animals will walk over it, rains will flood it, winds will sweep it, and little kids will burn it with magnifying glasses. But like the worker ants in the story, it is following those very moments that we ask ourselves: Will I quit and give up all hope? Or will I work twice as hard to accomplish twice as much?

• In a worldly sense: Bombs may explode at marathon finish lines, fertilizer factories may demolish everything in their paths, school shootings may take the lives of many, hurricanes may destroy cities, etc. but we must come together as a nation and work together to not let these forms of adversity destroy our free and God-given country.

• In a spiritual sense: "persecutions may rage, mobs may combine, armies may assemble, calumny may defame, but the truth of God will go forth boldly, nobly, and independent, till it has penetrated every continent, visited every clime, swept every country, and sounded in every ear, till the purposes of God shall be accomplished, and the Great Jehovah shall say the work is done."

• In a personal sense: jobs may be lost, hearts may be broken, dreams may seem shattered, etc. but we must brush ourselves off, commit to re-commitment, and become stronger, truer, and more developed builders of our ant hills, whatever they may be. 

I can promise you that if we face adversity head-on with a smile, callused hands, and a willing heart, each time we re-build our ant hills they will be bigger, stronger, and more able to withstand the blows that life unexpectedly brings.






Here's to BIG lessons learned from tiny creatures.



Cheers.

"To be unique: is not 

simply doing something different; 

it is

doing something 

to make a difference."

                                                                                     

 

Here's to being unique.

Cheers.

I love this time of year. As many of you know, the idea of "New Beginnings" resonates within me like nothing else; it is something that allows us to regather our thoughts, muster up new strengths, and forge ahead against the grainy sandstorms of whatever our future holds for us. Hence the reason why this time of new resolutions, optimistic outlooks, and aspiring goals for the upcoming calendar year is so appealing in my eyes. With that in mind, my hope for you in reading this brief post would be that you will find and apply the most efficient ways to accomplish your dreams, manage your thoughts, and find success in the endeavors that you have set forth for yourself, while at the same time, as I've emphasized before, taking time to smell the roses along the pathways of life as you go.



This evening as I sat in one of my favorite courses taught by one of my favorite professors--a life-mentor of mine that has, time-after-time, continually helped me to progress and become greater than I ever thought that I was before--I began to experience a rather personal and very internal battle of thoughts in my mind. Allow me to explain: as I am en-route to completing my undergraduate schooling, my thoughts are often made up of ideas such as "Where should I apply for graduate school? What are the chances of me being married by the time I finish my degree? Where should I apply for my next employment opportunity? Should I ask that girl out this weekend? Etc." These very differing thoughts often take over my mind's entire ability to think about anything else and I am thus consumed.

However, this particular train of thought on this particular evening happened to stop "chugging" at: "Should I add a class or two to my current schedule to complete my degree faster? Or, instead, do I really focus on the classes that I am in now and make room in my schedule for doing things outside of school and work that I love doing?"

It was then that the self-introspecting question piercingly took root in my mind: "Which is more important right now--Getting more done? Or Getting more out of what I do?"

Rather than going into deep and soul-bearing detail as to what this concept means to me, I'd instead like for you to take time and ask yourself the exact same question, but apply it to the things that are going on in your life. Perhaps, while you are contemplating this particular principle, you could even ask yourself the following questions to help spark some discussion with your self: Are you a believer that your circumstances make up your happiness? That if you just had that job or married that guy or drove that car, then you would be happy? That your definition of happiness starts with "If only..."? Or are you the type of person that creates your own happiness? Do you believe that no matter what is going on in your life, that you can still be infinitely happy?

Over the past few years, I have had a great many of my close friends graduate from school and have been thrown into what they refer to as "The Real World." It is very interesting to hear so many of them come up to me now and say, "Shad, take advantage of each day that you are still finishing your undergrad; get involved; spend time with friends; go to sporting events; do well in your classes; take classes that you've never thought of taking; try new things; be fearless; etc. Because out here in the "real world" things are different. Oh, how I wish that I would've taken more time to really enjoy each day that I had while I was still where you are now." (Perhaps some of you have had similar encounters with people who have moved on in some aspect of their life and not just in schooling).

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited to contribute to society as much as I can and move on to whatever lies in store for me; but the point that I'd like to make in all of this is the idea of making sure that we're getting more out of what we're doing now rather than simply getting the most done in the least amount of time. Of course, this, like most things in life, depends on your circumstances--you may be wanting to finish your degree or get through your current job or whatever it is because of familiar, financial, or religious situations--but it is still something to think about nonetheless.

I have thus made the decision and steered my thoughts toward getting more out of what I do rather than solely getting more done. I have changed my class schedule, shifted work hours, and am gearing myself up to give as much of myself as I can to the things that I have going on in my life. I hope to learn more, stress less, and ultimately lose myself in the service of others. And I hope to never have those similar feelings of regret that some of my friends have felt.

Whether you are in high school, a freshman in college, finishing your graduate degree, busy working, feeling regrets similar to what I mentioned earlier, taking care of children at home, or even a veteran in the ways of living in "reality", I would challenge you to look at what you do on a day-to-day basis and ask yourself: "Am I simply trying to get more done so that I can move on? Or am I striving to get the most out of what I am doing now?" Decide where you stand. Change what is necessary. And never give up.



Here's to getting more out of life than we ever have before.





Cheers.

sim·pli·fy  (smpl-f) tr.v.

To make simple or simpler, as:

a. To reduce in complexity or extent.

b. To reduce to fundamental parts.

c. To make easier to understand.

Ask me to simplify an algebraic expression and I can do it. Ask me to simplify the structure of a complex business proposal and I can do it. Ask me to simplify almost any given task and I can probably do it. But ask me to simplify my own personal life...and, quite frankly, I struggle. 

The great thinker Leonardo DaVinci  once said that "simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." If that is true, then I am afraid that I am living a far-from-sophisticated life. Over the past year, I have gone through some monumental changes that have brought tremendous activities, events, and opportunities into my life. After seeing the change that getting involved with one thing made, I somehow became "addicted" to getting involved with anything and everything in hopes of adding even more positive change and creating more opportunity. However, I quickly realized that this concept, as with all others in life, needs to be moderated somewhere between excessive-ness and indolence if we are to reach our greatest potential.

I have talked before of my views concerning the law of moderation and I continue to learn of its importance: Too much food leads to obesity; too little food leads to starvation. But a well-balanced diet leads to a long and healthy life. [Ergo]--> Having too many "things" in life leads to stress and anxiety; having too few "things" in life leads to idleness and lack of potentiality. But a balanced and simplified life leads to one of longevity, happiness, and achievement. 

I have thus been going through a constant trial-and-error process of figuring out just how to simplify my life. Here are some helpful tactics that I have learned that might be of some aid to you as well:

1. "The Magic of Doing One Thing at a Time"

A few months ago, my brother shared with me an article with this title. The author emphasizes the importance of not overloading ourselves with so many things that we get absolutely nothing done: "It's not just the number of hours we're working, but the fact that we spend too many continuous hours juggling too many things at the same time. What we've lost, above all, are stopping points, finish lines and boundaries." When we don't allow ourselves to focus our energy on one thing at a time, we decrease productivity, increase fatigue, and feel like we get nothing accomplished. Focus on one thing at a time.

2. Prioritize and Learn to let go

I recently helped a few friends discover something that a great mentor of mine taught me a while back that will forever change my life. He instructed me about the difference between striving for 'perfection' and striving for 'excellence.' When we strive for perfection, we try to give our 100% in everything that we do; a task that is physically, mentally, and intellectually impossible. On the other hand, when we prioritize our tasks and strive for excellence (doing our best) in each of them, we focus the majority of our efforts toward those of greater importance; then, we allow what's left in our reservoir of energy to be used for the less important tasks.

Sometimes, however, when we are prioritizing our lives, we come across things that we realize that we could most definitely do without. This is where we must learn to let go. For example, I love to watch and follow sports. But when I went through the different parts of my life in an attempt to prioritize it, I found that sports was something that was not quite as deserving of my time and energy than most everything else. I had to learn to let go....or at least just catch the highlights on ESPN. Simplifying requires prioritization and learning to let go of needless things.

3. Slow down and fall in love with your life

Schedule time to sit, ponder, and get to know you. What are your passions? What makes you smile? What do you pass by without even noticing when you're running from point A to point B? What are you grateful for? What do you take for granted? If you can't answer any of these questions, then I suggest that you put some serious effort into slowing down and learning to love your life.

To do this, I decided that I was going to start by no longer driving to work and school, but that I would instead take the bus. As weird as it may seem, I love public transportation: something that I quickly remembered after being on the bus for only one block. I like to see the different types of people. I like to wonder what their stories are. I like to ask them about their stories. I like to look out the window and observe my surroundings. By committing to taking the bus, I have to make sure to get everything done in a timely manner so that I do not miss it when it comes. My productivity rates have increased, my awareness levels are high, and I am learning to love things that I haven't loved in a while. I like taking the bus.

Charles Dudley Warner once spoke an infinite truth in my opinion when he said that "To poke a wood fire is more solid enjoyment than almost anything else in the world. "I couldn't agree more. Something as simple as poking and staring into the flames of a fire allows us to reflect on our lives and realize just how simple, yet fulfilling they can be.



"The simpler we make our lives, the more abundant they become." -- Sarah Ban Breathnach.



I am not a huge fan of the music of Lynyrd Skynyrd, but the lyrics of the song "Simple Man" ring true. Take a listen:

Take time to do the things that make you happy. Sacrifice the unnecessary for the necessary. Forget yourself and you will find yourself. If you are feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or just plain unhappy: simplify, simplify, simplify.








Here's to a more simplified way of life.




Cheers.

Over a century ago, there was, in the world of science, a race would never be forgotten: the race for flight. 

Now, if you are familiar with this story at all, there are two names that I am sure you have had engrained somewhere in your memories at some point in your life: Wilbur and Orville Wright, the infamous “Wright Brothers” who stamped their names in the history books of human existence by making and documenting the first successful controlled manned flight through the Kill Devil hills of North Carolina in 1903.

Even if you are somewhat oriented with the history of the Wright brothers, I would dare to ask: how familiar are you with the actual race that took place which led these two men to be the first ones in the air? Perhaps you know a lot; or perhaps you know a little. Either way, allow me to provide a brief summary of the people, happenings, and principles that were involved with this competition of propulsion and lift to help us better understand an underlying principle of success.

Although (as we now know) the Wright brothers were the first to succeed in controlled flight, they were definitely not the expected winners of the race—in fact, they were considered very much to be the underdogs. The secretary of the Smithsonian at the time, Samuel Pierpont Langley, was the most prominent competitor. “At age 50, Langley had already achieved prominence through his work as an astronomer, but he wanted to make a discovery on par with Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas Edison. So he turned to the problem of flight, spending the 1880s and 1890s [attempting to perfect] an unmanned flying machine he called an aerodrome” (The Race for Flight: NPR, pg. 1).

Langley had, compared to the Wright brothers, significant advantages for achieving his dream of flight; advantages including, but not limited to: experience, up-to-date equipment, and sufficient government funding. Sadly, even with advantageous “wings” for propelled flight, Langley’s aerodrome as well as his dreams fell “like a handful of mortar.”

Wilbur and Orville, on the other hand, were simple inventors, vendors, and forgers of bicycles, which they in turn sold from their humble bicycle store; interestingly enough, it was through their time and energies spent in the bicycle shop that they developed their ideas for flight.

Regardless of not having the best equipment, the sufficient funds, or even the popular support of bystanders, the Wright brothers flew their way into the history books by doing what they could with what they had. On December 17, 1903, they successfully made four flights, the longest lasting a nail-biting 59 seconds and traveling a gut-wrenching 852 feet. Today, thanks to their efforts, hundreds of flights are made, carrying thousands of passengers from one destination to another. It certainly was a race that would never be forgotten.

Vince Lombardi, one of the NFL’s greatest coaches of all time, once said that “The measure of who we are is what we do with what we have.”

 

This is my message to you today: to measure up to who you really are by doing what you can now with what you already have. 

I fear that too often, we, by nature, tend to allow our envious and jealous devils to control our minds, our words, and our actions. These controlling devils, rather than lifting us up to freedom and success, drag us down to low self-esteem and fickle dreams. “If I only I had hair like hers…”, “Maybe if I had more money then I would be able to…”, “I’m not good at speaking in public like he is, so I’ll never win…”, etc. We are constantly focusing on the negative aspect of what we don’t have rather than exhausting ourselves in the great optimism, power, and hope that comes from realizing what we do have. 

The Wright brothers could have easily said, “Langley can afford it; he has the best tools; he has the reporters, the fame, and the wealth. So, why try?” Instead, however, they were inspired by what he had already accomplished and dedicated themselves to use whatever was at their fingertips to go above and beyond any expectations that anyone—including themselves—had set for them. 

Take time to get to know you. Recognize the strengths, talents, and gifts that you have; and then use them to get to where you want to get. If there is something that you’re not good at, work towards making it something else to add to the list of things that you are good at. The attitude with which we approach our obstacles often dictates the outcome that will follow. If you will but intimately learn who you are, see the potential that lies deep within you, and then do what you can with what you have to explore that potential, you will supersede any and all limits that you currently think you have put in place to keep you from succeeding.

In conclusion, I leave you with the words of Shakespeare who so remarkably portrayed this lesson in the prologue of “Henry V”:

O for a Muse of fire, that would ascend
The brightest heaven of invention,
A kingdom for a stage, princes to act
And monarchs to behold the swelling scene!
Then should the warlike Harry, like himself,
Assume the port of Mars; and at his heels,
Leash'd in like hounds, should famine, sword and fire
Crouch for employment. But pardon, and gentles all,
The flat unraised spirits that have dared
On this unworthy scaffold to bring forth
So great an object: can this cockpit hold
The vasty fields of France? or may we cram
Within this wooden O the very casques
That did affright the air at Agincourt?
O, pardon! since a crooked figure may
Attest in little place a million;
And let us, ciphers to this great accompt,
On your imaginary forces work.
Suppose within the girdle of these walls
Are now confined two mighty monarchies,
Whose high upreared and abutting fronts
The perilous narrow ocean parts asunder:
Piece out our imperfections with your thoughts;
Into a thousand parts divide on man,
And make imaginary puissance;
Think when we talk of horses, that you see them
Printing their proud hoofs i' the receiving earth;
For 'tis your thoughts that now must deck our kings,
Carry them here and there; jumping o'er times,
Turning the accomplishment of many years
Into an hour-glass: for the which supply,
Admit me Chorus to this history;
Who prologue-like your humble patience pray,
Gently to hear, kindly to judge, our play.

"The measure of who we are is what we do with what we have."

How do you measure up?

Here’s to doing the best that we can,

Cheers.

For those of you that do not recognize what this is: it is a diagram of a typical balanced-diet (aka: the food pyramid). Scientists, dieticians, and nutritionists have jointly come to the conclusion that in order for one to stay as healthy as possible, it is necessary to follow these serving guidelines as well as involve themselves in daily exercise activities.

Perhaps it is safe to say that not many people, especially Americans, follow these suggested food servings. In fact, for a large majority, I would not be surprised to find that more sweets, meats, fats and oils are consumed than any other food group when we can clearly see that it should be quite the opposite. It is no secret that improper practices and poor food-choices quickly lead us down a road that none of us want to go.


In layman's terms:


An "inverted-pyramid" diet with no exercise at all eventually leads to this:

A "starve-myself-healthy" diet, with or without exercise quickly leads to this:

And finally, a well-balanced diet coupled with daily exercise eventually leads to this:

I hope that you get my point.


However, this is not a blog post regarding our physical well-being. I am certainly not trying to bring back memories of your junior-high P.E. teacher: permanently sweat-stained ring-collar t-shirt tucked into incredibly short shorts, ridiculously hairy legs/arms, long white socks, old school sneakers, mustache, whistle, etc. In fact, I do not wish to talk about workouts, calories, or even pedometers. Nevertheless, I have taken the time to share with you the images and ideas [above] in order to provide a visual representation of my intended thoughts [below].



Lately, I have been concerned with the intellectual well-being of myself, as well as of those around me. I fear that with each day that passes, we, as a whole, are becoming less and less "mentally-healthy." And just as we have a balanced-diet for our daily food intake, I believe that we also have a balanced-diet for our daily mental-food intake.

Below is a visual representation of how I believe our current mental-food pyramid appears to us:

(the truth can be humorous sometimes)

 A short while ago, I followed the suggestion of an esteemed psychologist, Dr. Meyers, and completed a personal "Time Management Self-evaluation." Throughout the course of my day, I was to keep track of and record the amount of time I spent doing every activity that I involved myself in. [sleeping, eating, showering, studying, working, exercising, facebooking, blogging, etc.]

It was interesting (and somewhat sad) to see my results. Although I had felt like I had fully engaged myself in a "balanced diet" of intellectually-productive activities (such as studying, writing, reading, working, conversing, etc.) during most of my day, I found that I was performing more meaningless "fat-food" type ones than anything else. I had spent way more time than I thought I had: on Facebook, watching Youtube videos, texting nonsensical messages to Johnny and Scy, playing a knock-off version of Bejeweled on my phone, etc.

 Even more interesting to me, perhaps, is that I would proudly claim myself as one who does not spend a lot of time on social media sites, gaming, etc. With that being said: if I found that I, being someone who is not constantly engaged in meaningless activities, had spent more time than I felt that I should have "pigging out", what does that say about people all over the world that are constantly stuck to a computer, smartphone, iPad, or television screen?

Now, I am not trying to say that I think all of these "things" are bad; in fact, the reason why I involve my own self in them is because I find them to be useful, enjoyable, educational, etc. However, the law of moderation must play an important role if we are to use them for good [in case you can't tell from this and other posts, the law of moderation is, in my opinion, one of the most essential and important lessons to be learned and practiced in this life].

Referring back to the physical well-being of humans, if we consume too much food (whether it be sweets or veggies) we do ourselves no good. If we starve ourselves of food, we do ourselves no good. But, if we balance what we eat AND exercise daily, we become capable of performing so many activities that we never could had we not disciplined ourselves. And so it is with our intellectual well-being...

If we consume too much mental-food (whether it be through actual books or through facebooks) we do ourselves no good; we become burnt-out, self-centered, and socially awkward. If we starve ourselves of mental-nutrients, we certainly do ourselves no good. But, if we balance what we read, play, watch, hear, observe AND mentally-exercise daily, we become capable of....I think you get my point.

As a pre-concluding note, I would like to expound on one thing; and that is the "mental exercise" (AKA: human interaction) that we need to involve ourselves in. Allow me to share an experience that I had:

Earlier this year, my roommates and I hosted a group of 18 year-old high school students that were interested in possibly attending the university later this fall. While I was conversing with a group of young men, I asked them, "So, what do you guys like to do for fun?" Needless to say, I was hoping/expecting them to say similar things that I enjoyed doing at that age (sports, hiking, being with friends [especially girls], traveling, etc.) so that I could relate to them better. However, they all quickly responded simultaneously, "Oh, we're gamers! All we do is play X-box and PS3." I certainly didn't judge them for that (especially since gaming has come a long way since my own high school years), but later that night I noticed something interesting that caused me to double-take.

A group of their peers (all girls) came with another hosting group to our apartment in order to socialize, watch movies, eat food, etc. I quietly observed as not one of the young men I that I had talked to earlier even attempted to speak or interact with anyone else. As bad is it may sound, I was appalled.

The point that I am trying to make with this is that: these young men, in my opinion, were consuming too much of one type of mental-food (Problem #1: lack of balancing their mental diet) and definitely were not exercising-mentally (Problem #2) their abilities to interact with human beings face-to-face.

I fear that our society today is losing 1) its love and passion for reading about, learning, and applying classic ideas such as: true freedom, moral living, thought-provoking questions, honesty, clean-natured entertainment, appropriate humor, etc. and 2) its ability to properly engage in face-to-face human interactions.

Think about it: more parents, while traveling with their children, do not put in the effort and time to talk with them or teach them new things; they simply put a DVD in to shut them up. More and more relationships originate from online services. Guys are asking girls out via text, Facebook, messenger, etc. rather than through conversation. More downloadable games are bought for mobile devices than books bought from a bookstore. More and more young adults consider a "good job opportunity" one that allows them to say "I love it because all I have to do is..." rather than taking pride in working hard, blistered hands, and having to push themselves beyond their current capabilities to complete the task at hand.

To reiterate my original idea, I worry for our intellectual well-being. I feel that we need to close our Facebook more in order to open real books. We need to stop texting and actually talk. We need work hard, rather than hardly work. We need to read classic literature and not pornographic magazines. We need to learn to garden instead of relying on Walmart to do that for us. We need to learn about our history so that we do not repeat it. We need to serve our neighbor, rather than serving ourselves. We need to learn to manage money and avoid the bondage of debt. We need to learn to live without 'things' now in order to have them in the future. We need to do all of these things if we do not wish to destroy ourselves.

Perhaps another perspective is this:

Just because I do not have desires to be a professional mechanic does not mean that I should not learn how to fix my car. Just because I do not like to read does not mean that I should never open a book. Just because I am tired and hungry does not mean that I should not stop to help that person fix their flat tire. Just because I am Caucasian does not mean that I should not learn about and celebrate Black-history. Just because I am Mormon does not mean that I should not understand others' beliefs, practices, and traditions....again, I hope that you get my point.




Do not become intellectually obese, starved, or overworked. Become, instead, intellectually balanced and I promise that your life will be full of happiness, joy, contentment, knowledge, companionship, trust, hope, gratitude, and positivity.

 In short...we need to LEARN...and we must never, ever, ever, ever stop.



Here's to a well-balanced physical and intellectual diet.






Cheers.

A short while ago, I made a list of several goals (twelve, to be exact) that I was going to strive to achieve in my day-to-day life. Some were simple and not very time-consuming; while others were more difficult and required greater dedication and sacrifice. One of these goals was to attempt to write at least one blog post each week (which, unfortunately, has proved itself to be one of the more difficult ones to achieve).

Earlier tonight, a fellow-blogger and good friend of mine mentioned during one of our conversations how she could not wait until she could find more time within her busy schedule to write in her blog more: I couldn't have agreed more with what she said. Her words caused me to re-evaluate my commitment to my own personal goal of writing each week: needless to say, this is the situation I currently find myself in...

For those of you who have read and/or followed my blog before, you'll quickly realize my passion for wrting positive thoughts of encouragement in hopes that some person out there will read what I write and say, "Wow, that's exactly what I need to hear at this time in my life"...and then they will hopefully apply what they read to better their lives, and then, ultimately, "pay it forward" to someone else in need of similar help: a simple chain-reaction to improve the world.

Note: it is important to understand that I get most, if not all, of my post-ideas from real life experiences that I have during the day-to-day events of my life. In other words, I try to constantly find ways to improve my own life, serve other people, or learn new talents, principles, and ideas that will help me to become the person that I not only want to be, but that I know I should be.

Outlining my life as such has proven to be, usually, very rewarding; however, at times (such as this particular time in my life), it has proven as a wake-up call that I am not doing all that I can to become that greater person. It's simple algebra really...

Striving and searching for ways to improve my own life or to help another person --> uplifting/life-changing experience --> blog post idea --> blog --> my microscopic way of improving the lives of people around me --> positive thoughts/feelings --> desire to continue striving and searching for ways to improve my own life or to help another person --> uplifting/life-changing experience --> blog post idea...it's a vicious cycle, really.

The antagonistic point that I am trying to get at is that: lately, I have realized that I have had trouble finding ideas for my weekly blog posts. In reference to the cycle suggested above, this can only mean that I am not committed enough to improving my own life or the lives of those around me.  I understand that my life has been incredibly busy and stressful, but that certainly is no excuse. With that being said, I'd like to openly apologize and publicly re-commit myself to diligently striving towards getting back into the vicious cycle of my blogging experience.



 I do suppose, however, that there can be a lesson learned in what I have just written: sometimes in life, we need to re-evaluate our goals and re-commit ourselves to accomplish that which we have set forth in our lives. Perhaps it can be said that: when we slip, we do not fail; failure only comes from never getting back up. I think it is accurate to say, then, that there is often more power in committing to recommit than there is to initially committing to anything at all.

If there is anything in your life right now that you feel like you have allowed to slip or that you have not put as much effort in as you know you should have, I would implore you to apply and live by the words of a popular 90s song by ChumbaWumba: "I get knocked down, but I get up again; and you're never gonna keep me down!" Commit to re-commit. Do it. Now.


Here's to 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, etc....attempts at achieving greatness.


Cheers.

[Note: a good friend of mine, Nicole, asked if I would help her out with a small blog project that she is doing for one of her blogs. She asked if I would write a general letter directed towards women in which I could write anything I wanted. So, I decided to simply use what I wrote for her blog for my weekly blog post. Also, Nicole is an amazing writer: please support her and follow her blog. I will post the link to it at the bottom of this post. Enjoy.]




 

Dear Women,

First and Foremost, Thank you:

For willingly giving birth to everyone that has ever existed on this earth; for giving me cooties when I was in the second grade. For teaching, nourishing, and caring for your children; for having the desire to have children of your own some day.

Thank you for having legible handwriting. For buying me that tie for Father’s day. For waking up before everyone else in order to cook breakfast and pack me a lunch.

Thank you for giving me a ride to school; for teaching me how to dance. Thank you for kissing me on the side of my mouth to leave me wanting more. Thank you for the “I love you, have a great day!” note that you left on the seat of my truck. For taking care of me when I am sick.

Thank you for making me nervous before our first kiss. Thank you for holding my hand every chance that you get. For tickling the back of my neck until I fall asleep. For laughing at my dumb jokes even if they’re not that funny. Thank you for singing to me. Thank you for reminding me of people’s names when we see them just in case I’ve forgotten. Thank you for holding on to me like I am the only thing that matters.

But mostly, for loving me.

Who You Are and Why You Are Important:

You are a daughter of a loving God that has sent you here to Earth with a very special and individual purpose in mind. You are brilliant, creative, and full of life. When you walk into the room, the world stops to observe; not because of simply your curves, your perfume, or your looks, but because you have an aura about you that silences the souls of men [Even if the men are so shallow that they think it’s those other things doing that to them, it’s really not, they just haven’t figured that out yet. I promise.]

You are a mother, a daughter, a co-worker, a wife, and a grandmother. You are who gives birth, not just to a child, but to a generation.

You are a professional at connecting with people and understanding their emotions. You are a shoulder to cry on. Yet, you are also a cryer looking for a shoulder. You give more than you receive, but you don’t complain. You are absolutely amazing and the world would end if it weren’t for you.

What To Do:

Remind yourself everyday that you’re beautiful. Love everyone. Smile. Repeat.

What Not To Do:

Don’t think that you aren’t beautiful…ever.

Don’t suppose that I know that you’re upset just because you said, “I’m fine” instead of “I’m good.” Don’t rub it in my face when you’re right and I’m wrong; my pride is hurt enough as it is. But, don’t be afraid to prove me wrong. Don’t think that I’ll only love you if your hair is done and your make-up is perfectly painted on your face, it is the furthest thing from the truth.

Don’t text and drive.

Don’t think that you understand men; your brain isn’t that simple.

Don’t not give a guy a chance; you never know until you let it happen.

Don’t read into things too much. Don’t think that I’m upset because I said “I’m fine” instead of “I’m good.” Don’t act dumb just to make me feel smart. Don’t think I’m cheating on you just because I’m not right next to you. Don’t hide your talents from me. Don’t be afraid to break social norms. Don’t think that just because I’m nice to you that I’m fully interested in dating you.

Don’t forget to have faith. Don’t gossip. Don’t rely on me, your parents, or anyone else to make decisions for you. Don’t think that you can’t do it…whatever it is. Don’t let the world tell you what you should do and who you should be. Don’t forget to pray…a lot. Don’t turn down opportunities to learn something new. Don’t stop being you just because you’re with me.

What You Should Know About Men:

We are not all the same: just because you had one bad experience with one of us doesn’t mean that the same thing will happen with all of us.

We like to feel appreciated and needed more than anything else (example: we know that you are fully capable of opening the door by yourself, but we like to feel that no door in the world would ever open for you unless we opened it first). Speaking of which, chivalry isn't dead, but you women are slowly stabbing it to death by either not accepting it or not expecting it from us.

We are not very good “sign” readers. So, if you’re upset or something is bothering you, don’t get too mad at us for not realizing that that you are pissed off at something (most likely something we did or didn’t do).

The last thing I’ll say about this topic is: if you want to have a special night out to dinner with us, during which you’d like us to pay full attention to what you’re saying, never take us to a sports bar/grill or anywhere else that may have a television(s) broadcasting current games or last night’s highlights.

What We Want to Know About Women:

Why do you almost always go for the jerks rather than the guys that will treat you as you deserve to be treated? We understand that you’re naturally attracted to being secure and safe, but sometimes financial and/or physical security isn't as important as your emotional, mental, spiritual, intellectual, security. Think about it, that’s all we ask.

Another topic: periods. We don’t need to know everything that goes on there, but it’d be nice if you simply let us know when you’re going through your “cycles.” It’s something that we have not had to deal with every few weeks our entire lives, so we don’t automatically assume that it’s even an issue.

Finally, why do you tend to think that you’re not good enough when really nothing better exists? Self-confidence and maturity can be some of the most attractive things about a woman, so make it happen.

Know, I may not know you, but I love you.

You may be asking yourself, “but how is that possible? There are so many different women out there; how can you love me without knowing who I am?” Explanation: I understand that each of you as an individual is different in some way or another, but as a whole, you are all, by your natural similarities, very much the same. Examples of such similarities: you are caring, you have the capability of being something great, you smell really, really good, you are easy to talk to, you are in tune with your emotions, etc. It is by these similarities that I am able to say to you, whoever and wherever you are, that I love you…and mean it.

May you ever find happiness in all of your adventures.

Here's to you, the daughters of Eve.



Cheers.

Nicole's link:

http://fromthemindofnicoleshepard.blogspot.com